How Well Do You Know Your Partner Buzzfeed
Written past Writer's Corps member Cara Mackler
I'chiliad certain you've heard this saying before: communication is the key 🔑 to any relationship. Information technology sounds platitude but it's true. I remember it's really easy to tell people that communication is important in a healthy human relationship but it's not as easy to explicate how to communicate. And if we're never taught how to use this key, then we'll never be able to open the door to healthy advice.
Communication is defined every bit a lot of things but my favorite definition includes, "the successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings". I always say I'm a great talker, but I take to also be an equally dandy listener in order to be a groovy communicator. Communication is about expressing yourself in a healthy way, listening to your partner when they are doing the same, and really hearing and absorbing what the other person has to say.
Below are 5 tips for communicating better in your relationship:
1. Enquire Open up-Concluded Questions
Communication is not just well-nigh talking near each other'southward days and saying what you had to eat for lunch. Information technology's about being able to dig deep and get to know this person as well as you lot tin. It'due south not always like shooting fish in a barrel to dig deep, particularly for those who have never been comfortable talking about their feelings. And information technology'southward not necessary to make every conversation a heart to middle.
At that place are ways to practice this without pressuring your S.O. to spill their deepest secrets. For example, i nstead of asking yeah or no questions like "Did you lot accept a good day?" attempt asking more open-concluded questions like, "How was your mean solar day?" Aye, they may respond with a brief non-answer ("good", "fine", "the same"), but asking open-ended questions gives them an opportunity to share more if they choose to. Keep in mind that not anybody opens upwardly very easily. Be patient with your partner if they are not sharing all the time. Nosotros set boundaries effectually our emotions and everyone's boundaries are different. So, be mindful and respectful of their emotional boundaries, and they should exist every bit mindful and respectful of yours.
Ultimately, the more you get to know your South.O. on a deeper level, the more open and honest you may be with each other. And honesty breeds trust, which are two very important pillars of a healthy human relationship (hint: communication is another super important pillar!).
two. Pick Upwards on Nonverbal Cues
If your partner says "my day was fine" but their tone sounds irritated, upset, or angry, then there may be something else that they're feeling only not yet ready to communicate. Communication is not just well-nigh the words nosotros say simply besides how we say them. Our tone and our attitude requite away a lot more than just the words coming out of our mouths. And information technology's honestly a skill to be able to choice up on those nonverbal cues. Expect at your S.O.'due south facial expressions, their easily (are they trembling/antsy?), their body language (Are they making eye contact? Are they crossing their arms?) and heed to their tone of vox.
three. Don't Try to Read Their Mind
Sometimes you tin can tell just past looking at someone what they may exist feeling. It'southward not always easy to exercise this and allow's face it: as much every bit nosotros desire to be mind readers, nosotros aren't and shouldn't have to be. Then, if you're non sure what your partner is feeling, ask them.
If y'all're the one holding things in and expecting your partner to read your mind, take a moment to appreciate the fact that your partner is making an effort past request yous what's going on rather than ignoring the problem. Practise your all-time to let them know how you're feeling when you're ready to open up about it. It'southward not healthy to say you're okay when you're not and and so get mad at your partner for not figuring it out. Be honest nearly how y'all experience to the best of your ability, and try to express it in a healthy way before it gets to the point where information technology blows up and someone says something they regret. Existence direct is always amend than being passive ambitious.
If your partner is the one who is guilty of being passive ambitious, try letting them know that information technology's not really helpful for either of yous when they're not honest near how they experience. Of course, it'south awesome when we know each other then well that nosotros can practically read each other'south' thoughts and know exactly what to say in the right moments, but we're homo and we may make mistakes sometimes or miss cues that seem obvious to our partner or vice versa. It's of import that you both make an endeavor to better sympathize each other and be patient with each other, besides.
4. Conversations are a Two-Style Street
Every bit you communicate with your partner take note of how many times you say "I", "You", or "We". If the conversation is by and large almost yourself, information technology'southward not really a conversation. Think to turn information technology back to your Southward.O. and ask questions about how they feel, what their thoughts are, and what's going on with them. If y'all find that you're saying "You" a lot, what's the context? Are you pointing fingers and placing blame?
Relationships are near both people, and each should have an equal say nearly things. Both people demand to experience heard and exist able to share what's on their mind. If y'all feel like your partner is the one overtaking the conversations and you lot can't get a word in, it'south important to let them know this. They may not be aware that they're dominating the conversation. Conversations are similar a tennis match; it should menstruation naturally back and forth to each person.
v. Fix Bated Time to Talk
My partner and I recently moved in together and we were warned by practically everyone that it's a "make or break" situation for couples. Nosotros were nervous, just nosotros both had an arrogant mental attitude of 'we got this'. We have ever been great at communicating openly and honestly with each other. We had no thought how living together would change the way nosotros had to communicate, only it certainly did.
The showtime 3 weeks together, we bickered constantly. We were so upset well-nigh the bickering (rather than the thing nosotros were really arguing over), that we ended upwards bickering nigh the fact that we were bickering! Have a headache yet? Yep, we had 1 for nearly three weeks straight. Because we are so non that couple, we finally sabbatum downwardly and talked it out.
Nosotros had to larn a completely new mode of being with each other since we were now sharing the aforementioned space. We talked about the things that mattered (like how to spend our money) and the things that ultimately didn't matter (who takes out the trash). Talking about those things were crucial because we would never have known what actually mattered to the other person had we not sat downwards to discuss it.
Ultimately, we learned that none of our bickering was virtually the actual things nosotros were fighting nigh, but rather it was about not feeling heard or appreciated. From that 24-hour interval on, we decided to have what we call "Bae Sesh", a weekly 'session' where we set aside an hour to speak our heed in a judgment-free space. This allows usa to feel heard and respected.
Obviously, our hr-long "Bae Sesh" may not work for everyone, only information technology definitely works for us. Nosotros've been able to avoid larger conflicts, actively listen to each other, and bond and feel closer to each other because of our Bae Sessions. Nosotros may talk every day, but with both of us being so decorated with work and life it's prissy to set up bated time for something a piffling deeper.
vi. Tell Them What You lot Demand From Them
Sometimes I just want to vent and feel validated by having my partner support me by saying, "Yeah that really sucks I'm sorry!" Other times, I want communication. Like I said earlier, none of usa are mind readers, so it's important to endeavour to keep your partner informed so that you lot're on the same folio. Proverb something beforehand like, "I need to vent right now and I'm non looking for any advice, just your back up," or, "I really need your advice on this situation," will permit them know exactly what yous demand in that moment.
Being straight near what y'all demand tin can convalesce some of the miscommunication or stress in a given situation, too. By letting them know alee of fourth dimension, we can possibly forestall those unnecessary disagreements brought on by a miscommunication.
Communication is a Skill
Ultimately, advice is a skill, which means there's e'er room for improvement. Work together with your partner to figure out how y'all can maintain healthy advice and stay on the same page. Be every bit honest, straight, kind, and thoughtful as you can. Whether it's with a Bae Sesh, or simply making a bigger effort to open up to each other.
Relationships may exist complicated but relationship communication doesn't have to exist. Learn more nigh healthy relationships and take the pledge to #LoveBetter.
Source: https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/5-easy-ways-to-communicate-better-in-your-relationships/
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